Sibling rivalry describes the competitive relationship between siblings. Often the competition is the result of a desire for more attention on the part of the parents. However, even the most conscientious parents can expect to see sibling rivalry at play to some extent. Children naturally tend to compete with each other not only for parental attention but also for recognition in the world.
There are many things that can influence and shape sibling rivalry. A grandparent who favors one grandchild over another is just as likely to influence the siblings' behavior toward one another, as is the parents' treatment. Birth order is also a factor. No child can understand the introduction of a new baby in the house, and even older children can be worried about this. The feeling of being replaced or supplanted is often the cause of jealousy on the part of the older brother.
A child's personality can also have an effect on how much sibling rivalry will occur in a home. Some children seem to be naturally accepting of change, while others can be naturally competitive and exhibit this nature long before a sibling enters the home.
Studies show that children as soon as one can exhibit self-awareness and perceive the difference in treatment between himself and a sibling. This can be complicated when a child is quite young because she may not understand, for example, the mother's need to breastfeed a baby or pick her up every time she cries. Suddenly, a one-year-old feels that the baby is now mom or dad's favorite, and this early impression can shape a lifelong relationship with the younger sibling.
Studies have further shown that the greatest sibling rivalry tends to be between brothers, and the least between sisters. Naturally, there are exceptions to this rule, and a brother/sister or sister/sister relationship can be just as contentious, if not more so, than a brother/sibling relationship.
Early explanations of sibling rivalry include the Freudian. Freud saw sibling rivalry as a consequence of the Oedipus complex. Just as children competed with their fathers for their mothers' attention, siblings naturally competed for attention. The term, sibling rivalry, was not introduced until 1941, and was part of David Levy's explanation of the natural response to the introduction of a new child into the home.
Although it is impossible to completely overcome sibling rivalry, it can be lessened by parental action. The most important thing is to make sure you spend time with each child alone, and also invest in the time you spend together as a whole family. Children who have a strong sense of being part of a family are likely to see siblings as an extension of themselves.
Encouraging competition, especially when winning is the goal, can lead to severe sibling rivalry. Instead, parents who can model healthy competition, where participation is the goal, have children who feel less contentious.
Parents can often bond more closely with a child who is more like them or their spouse. This can result in preferential treatment, which almost always results in extreme sibling rivalry, or a sibling with extremely low self-esteem. Parents must work hard to find out what wonderful things there are about the underdog.
Parents should remember that sibling rivalry today can result in siblings drifting apart when the parents are gone. Continuing to foster family togetherness, treating siblings equally, and using family counseling to help stop excessive sibling rivalry can ultimately serve children well into adulthood.