What Does shyness Mean
The notion of shyness is attributed to someone who is usually antisociable and not very demonstrative . It is a personality trait that influences behavior and conditions interpersonal relationships, in addition to placing a limit on the individual's social performance.
Analyzing the term from an etymological perspective, we can say that it comes from the Latin concept timidus , which means fearful. In the dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, the concept is broadened, expressing how shy that person is shrunken, short-tempered and who finds it very difficult to relate .
Although it is a term that is usually used daily, it is necessary to clarify that there are two types of shyness: the one expected at certain ages and situations, which does not block the individual, and the chronic one, which prevents the person from relating normally . To overcome it, specialists recommend relaxation techniques, rejecting irrational ideas, concentrating on unwanted thoughts and displaying convincing behavior .
It is a feeling of helplessness when having to perform a certain action in front of another person, a chronic fear that comes from an absolute mistrust in himself and in those around him. It manifests as an impression of insecurity and shame towards oneself that can be experienced in the face of an episode never experienced before and of social scope . This feeling hinders conversations and rapprochement in general.
Psychologist Brian G. Gilmartin has long promoted the concept of love shyness to describe a specific type of severe chronic shyness. Those who suffer from it become uncomfortable in informal circumstances that involve potential romantic or sexual partners.
Shyness is also linked to the concepts of introversion and extroversion , proposed by the renowned physician Carl Gustav Jung . This psychiatrist and psychologist, it is said, considered introversion as an attitude based on the focus of interest around the internal processes of the subject, while extroversion is the opposite position. Those who are shy show a predominance of introversion. For Jung , the ideal situation is balance, flexibility to adapt to the moment and the environment .
In shyness there is a doubling of the individual : on the one hand, the observing self; on the other, the actor self. The latter is the one who performs a premeditated action, the objective of which is to generate a positive opinion in those who listen to him. In this way the individual manages to project onto others the concept that he has of himself in an ironic and generally threatening way.
Causes and development of the disorder
The key stage in which shyness appears is between the ages of five and seven. At that moment it manifests as fear of oneself . Later, during adolescence, it becomes a systematized mechanism; This is because the individual has a greater awareness of himself and begins to act accordingly to achieve a favorable image among the people with whom he interacts. This last stage is essential to define the type of shyness that the person has; it can be the normal of a young man who begins to mature and understand more of his environment and his place in the world, or it can be a chronic condition that leads him to isolate himself.
Those parents who do not allow their children to face situations corresponding to their age and overprotect them to avoid frustration, fear or failure, promote the development of shyness. In the same way, those who force them to perform demonstrations in front of visitors or who compare them with their brothers, causing them embarrassment and frustration . Finally, the lack of understanding, feeling ridiculous in front of others (because of teasing or reprimands that deeply damage them) or not being able to adapt to the changes typical of the passage from childhood to adolescence, are also factors that facilitate the development of shyness.
The importance of parents
Shyness is a disorder that, like many others, can be avoided. For this, it is essential that parents avoid attitudes with their children such as:
* Intolerancia: es indispensable dialogar acerca de lo que a ellos les daña o les frustra con total apertura;
* Severidad sistemática: es necesario mostrar flexibilidad en las decisiones y aceptar que se comentan errores;
* Constantes prohibiciones: las constantes prohibiciones fomentan la introversión y atentan contra la sensación de libertad;
* Castigos y humillaciones: los retos violentos o agresión física, sobre todo frente a terceros, fomentan el desprecio por ellos mismos; lo mejor es educar desde el respeto y buscar que el niño comprenda la postura del adulto sin sentirse inferior.
Es importante, por otro lado, recordarles todas las cosas buenas que hacen; esto puede resultar una preciosa forma de ayudarlos a entender cuánto valen y a creer en ellos mismos. Si sus padres no creen en ellos ¿cómo se espera que ellos lo hagan?