How to build trust before a date

Dating is a process that some people hate, some love, and others just put up with to find a soulmate. It can be fun, exhausting, exciting, and frustrating all at once. If dating were easy, there wouldn't be books with names like 'Dating Makes You Want to Die, But You Have to Do It Anyway' and 'Dating, Inc.: Recruit, Select, and Retain the Right Man for Your Relationship.' Books like 'How Not to Date' are full of horror stories about dates showing up without showering, talking too much, or just going full in. Why is dating in the 21st century, more stressful than ever than never?

Part of it is demographics. About half of Americans are single, so there should be plenty of options, right [Source: The New York Times]? Not necessarily. Single men outnumber single women in the western half of the United States, and vice versa in the eastern half, where there are more single women. So anyone who lives in Los Angeles (where there are about 90,000 more single men than women) who is looking for a man has an advantage over someone who lives in New York (which has 210,000 more single women than men) [Source: The Boston Globe] .

Dating anxiety could also have something to do with changing social norms: You may be unsure of your role in the dating sphere. People are living longer, gender roles are becoming more flexible, and adults are placing equal priority on their careers, friendships, and social causes. Still, the pressure is on to date as much as possible, find a soulmate, and get married. However, despite all this pressure and unfavorable odds, dating can be a lot of fun. The trick may lie in the attitude one brings to the dating process, and having the confidence to give dating a chance and survive to date again.

How to relax before a date

Relaxing music fills the air, candlelight gently illuminates the face and a warm evening breeze brings the scent of jasmine into the room, are you on your dream date? No. All of this is happening inside your head when you practice the relaxation technique known as visualization. By transporting you in your mind to a place that makes you feel calm and relaxed, visualization can help you erase the tension induced by thinking about your impending date. Less tension means firmer hands for applying mascara or shaving to a five o'clock shade, and more remaining energy for frothy conversation and salsa dancing. According to the Mayo Clinic, practicing imagery and other relaxation techniques can:

Get your heart rate up
Lower your blood pressure
Increase blood flow to your muscles and reduce muscle tension
Increase confidence

Simply breathing more deeply can help calm an exhausted mind. Practice the 4-7-8 breathing recommended by Dr. Andrew Weil, or try belly breathing, which helps deepen your breath and relax the abdominal muscles that keep those butterflies stuck in your stomach.

Since being in a rush will increase your adrenaline, give yourself plenty of time to prepare. If you know you won't have much time, plan ahead. Know what you'll be wearing, down to the latest accessory, and program restaurant directions into your GPS. If you go directly from work, all the better, you are already dressed. Ladies, just switch off low-key daytime accessories for something more glamorous, and touch up your makeup for nighttime highlights. Gentlemen, put on a jacket and comb the hair. Other methods you can use to relax before your date depend on your personality. If the date follows a hectic day at work, you may prefer a long, warm bath while listening to calming music.

If all else fails, take the tried and true route to feel good - laugh! Laughter turns off the hormones responsible for the fight-or-flight response to stress [Source: Mayo Clinic]. So take a few minutes before your date arrives to watch a favorite funny video or read a comic strip that you know will split the sides.

Next, we'll look at another way to use your body's chemistry for power. your mood.

working before a date

According to the CDC, less than 33 percent of adults in the US exercise regularly, and 36 percent don't exercise at all. While it doesn't mention what the other 31 percent are or aren't doing; Presumably, they are the ones that work out in fits and starts throughout the year, or perhaps just during swimsuit season. However, in addition to firming up the abs, thighs, and buttocks, exercise has some interesting biochemical effects that help keep stress and anxiety at bay, and increase a person's sense of well-being and confidence.

Scientists are currently debating which chemicals in the body are responsible for producing the happy feelings induced by exercise. Most of the compounds being studied are neurotransmitters, the molecules that help the brain communicate with the body. You may have heard of some of them: endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Research has found that moderate exercise can also have an antioxidant effect that lessens the effects of stress on the body [Source: Reynolds]. Regardless of which molecule is responsible, there is no doubt that exercise has a positive effect on mood and cognitive function.

The Anxiety Disorders Association of America says that even a brisk 10-minute walk can relieve anxiety for several hours. . Regular exercise can be just as good as medicine and psychotherapy in decreasing anxiety symptoms [Source: USA Today]. As long as you feel anxious before a date, you barely qualify as having an anxiety disorder, the same principles can apply. The mood effects of just 20 minutes of moderate-intensity bike riding can last up to 12 hours [Source: USA Today].

In addition to taking a brisk walk to relieve date-related stress on the Big Day, consider making your sporadic exercise schedule more consistent. Much of the research on exercise and anxiety shows that any effect you get from exercise in the short term is multiplied in the long term. These long-term effects include less anxiety, clearer thinking, more energy, and sounder sleep. And let's not forget another important benefit of exercise, being fit and looking healthy.

Looking GOOD is a great confidence booster, and below we'll talk about how a date pad can help.

Brain cells 'born' during exercise, are calmer

During exercise, the brain produces new brain cells in a process called neurogenesis. A study on rats showed that new brain cells created during exercise do not respond to stress as much as old brain cells. This research provides new meaning to the phrase, 'quiet your mind' [Source: Reynolds].

Update Your Look Before a Date In her book, 'How to Date in a Post-Date World,' Diane Mapes keeps her advice on what to wear on a first date simple: 'something that's comfortable, something that's flattering and something that it fits. 'While this is great advice, it covers anything from her favorite pair of sweats to the most revealing lingerie, not to mention that dress she bought five years ago but never wore. You can still wear that dress as long as it's comfortable, flattering, and well-fitting. However, you might want to add a couple of newer accessories, like a fancy pair of shoes, an updated haircut (yes, her hair is an accessory), or a trendy belt. Updating Your Look Doesn't Require Your Appearance A major wardrobe overhaul by an expensiveE Stylist Professional, or on a talk show for a head-to-face makeover. Here are some DO's and don'ts on how to freshen up your look when you're on a hot date:


    • Hair: Try a different hairstyle, color or, for the ladies, a hair accessory. If you're going for a radical change, like long to short, or brown to blonde, do it with enough lead time so you can fix it if you don't like the new look. Nothing undermines her confidence like a bad day.
    • Make-up:

Get some makeup tips from an expert. Vendors at department store makeup counters would love to match you with a new shade of lipstick or blush. Be sure to try out the new look in different types of lighting before your date.

Invest in a new piece of clothing, or spice up a favorite outfit with a new accessory.

not done

  • Don't radically change her look unless it's part of her style that she does regularly. It may be a good idea to leave your 'Wild' Clothes at home and avoid extreme styles.
  • Don't dress outside of your comfort zone. If jeans are appropriate for where you're going on the date, wearing them can help you feel more comfortable.

Do not reveal too much with your clothes. 'sexy' is more than the way you dress. Choose one feature to accentuate instead of trying to demonstrate it all at once.

Think positive before a date

Realistically, not every date leads to a soul mate, so having a good attitude about the dating process can take a lot of stress away, at least until you find that perfect person or just someone you'd like to get to know better. . What does a good attitude look like? It is more than a positive thought. It's about keeping perspective on him so that even if the date cracks, he can still go home with his self-confidence.

For example, start managing your expectations. If you've spent all week fantasizing that you and your date are madly in love, chances are you'll be disappointed in reality, even if the reality is that you're having a good time. The Buddhist philosophy of agelessness is a good one to practice when dating. Pema Chödrön, a renowned teacher of Tibetan Buddhism, explains that she becomes attached to things, even the result of a date, keeps him oriented to the future instead of the present, and prevents him from connecting with the people around him. Leaving your expectations at home also includes not bringing up the memories of all the bad dates you've been on and rancor from previous relationships [Source: EHARMONY].

That said, it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. Optimists live the longest, and you'll definitely want to live as long as possible once you've found 'the One' [Source: Weil]. This doesn't just mean always thinking happy thoughts. Optimism leaves room for something good to come out of a bad date, after all, even the worst date will at least make for a good story to tell your friends.

If you are not naturally optimistic, DON'T worry; Optimism and positive thinking can be learned. Visualization and affirmation are ways to teach yourself positive thinking. Close your eyes and visualize being confident, sexy, and charming on the date. Make a couple of key phrases, or affirmations, to say to yourself before and during the date: try iDiS ' i organize confidence and ease. '

Visualizations and affirmations will help you focus on your many good qualities. They will also help you accept your imperfections and know that you may stumble on your words from time to time, or spill a little wine, but these moments are your opportunities to be vulnerable and show how human you are. This is also when those laughter-induced endorphins can really make a difference.

Go up